Saturday, October 21, 2006

Morning has broken!

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grumpy old woman said...

Awwwww, darling girl, I have only just read your last night's entry this morning.

It seems as though not only are you upset for the little girl who is possibly going to lose her Mum (and such a lovely little girl, might I add) but this is probably bringing up feelings of loss from your childhood too?

It was indeed a terrible time for you - following my own path then was a selfish act - I had no idea at the time how much I was damaging you.

Children can't express what they are feeling about what is happening to them, can they? They just suffer inside. My heart bleeds for that little girl I dragged away from all that was familiar to her. I regret it so much :o{

Calamity Tat said...

I too was raised by a very good father from the age of 2... ok, it worked I wasn't neglected.. I saw my mother occasionaly in the holidays.. It wasn't enough, we didn't have a relationship, that has always been a sadness for me, I felt rejected by her, felt lot's of things, cheated, all I ever wanted was a mother... I am now a mother and it's the best thing ever, I am blessed with four girls but unlike you I don't miss them when they are at school but I would miss them if I didn't see them everyday, for ever.. I hope she never regrets this and I hope she can always have a great relationship with her daughter be it long distance..
Now I don't have a mum, and it's too late for me.. I just hope she really thinks it over, every girl needs their mum..

Calamity Tat said...

Oh crikey and now you've made me cry so I have to go and watch Tom, so much crying lately, what are we like???

Anonymous said...

I've just been catching up with your last posts...

I can actually understand your friend. I used to read the blog of Pumpkin Pie - an American woman who lived here in France...she left her eldest daughter (10 yrs old) in the States, with her was actually her daughters choice as she didn't want to move to France. It was hard for Pumpkin - very hard - but she did what she thought was best. Now she is back in the US.

I too nearly sent the boys to Olivier - only this last week - because I just struggle so much with life and financially - and tbh, if I had stayed with Krimo, and we had had a chance of a future together, I'd have also left the boys with their father to move to the UK to be with him.

Yes it would have been very hard - my boys are absolutely the best thing in my life and I miss them teribly when they are at Olivier's, for his week....

But then - he is an excellent father and I would still have seen my boys maybe its not quite the same thing..I don't know...all I am saying is that we are all driven by different motives and needs.

But yes - if push came to shove and I'd had to make that choice, I think I would have sent them to their Dad.

Hard for you to understand Dons, seeing as what you have experienced as a child...I know...but I don't think it makes me a lousy Mom. I adore my kids - and have sacrificed my life for them..France isn't my choice of home but I am here and have made the best of it..but there will come a time to draw the line..they will not always be little boys and I am not getting younger..selfish? Perhaps.

My GP said to me this week that I have to take my happiness into account...a miserable mother is not good for children..sometimes we just have to weigh up all the options.

Oh I have rambled on all over the place..sorry...but this subject is close to my heart.

Anonymous said...

Oh God Donna! I too have just read your last two posts! Shit! You just never know what you're going to find on a blog when you click do you?

I do wonder about all this... following your own path stuff!? I'm torn between what you say and what Wendy says really. My mother left her 5 year old son to follow her own path and the result was me! Funny really...

Ten years later she was dead!

I often wonder how she could have done that to my brother and whether she regretted it or not? Of course I will never know the answer to that, but I think Wendy is right. An unhappy mother is not a good mother for all concerned. Plus you do, afterall only live once!

You know what though? I may have been older that your friends daughter and it was very different me not having a mother compared to having one somewhere, but not with you - but it really wasn't the end of the world!
Saying that, of course I would have preferred to have had a mother in Italy than a dead one!

I dunno... I guess we all just have to remain non-judgemental, count our blessings and do what we feel right!

That's all we can do really...

Roxy Simmons said...

my husband still tears up when he talks of the way his ex-wife walked out on him and his 9 month old daughter. it must've been a terrible time. suddenly his life changed beyond all recognition and his daughter was without a mother. heartbreaking.

such a stark contrast to the father we had/have.

it makes it doubly strange for me to see people do that to their kids as i am desperately trying to have one of my own. i'd give anything to have one, and all i see around me are kids who are neglected.

Anonymous said...

But let's not forget that there are zillions of fathers that do that all the time...

I really find it hard to believe that mothers can find it easy to come to that conclusion. It must be heart wrenching and can surely only be huge selfless act if they think that the child would be better off with their father for whatever reason...
Wow Donna! It's a sad one, but your blog is amazing today! :O)

Donna said...

Crikey I'm sorry about posting such a sad entry. I usually do my unravelling in private. See what a lack of sleep, too much wine and PMT does!!!

Just to clarify I am in no way saying that a child shouldn't be brought up by a father. I know some wonderful fathers. I just find it hard to believe that a parent (mother or father) could leave the country that their child lives in so that they no longer have easy access to them.

My sister is a case in point. She left her home to be with her man in the USA because he has a child there, in fact he was a single parent, even though they would both love to live in the UK they will stay in the states so that his daughter can have access to her mother. If I fell in love with someone who lived abroad he would have to move to be with me until my little ones were old enough not to need me any more. I think also being the Arien control freak that I am I can't believe anyone would make a better parent to my kids than me. ;-)

Roxy Simmons said...

" But let's not forget that there are zillions of fathers that do that all the time..."

yes, my father. or fathers i should say LOL! i had two walk out on me! (bitter? me? hahahah ;))

that's why i find my husband to be a special guy. he had the balls to stick around and i tell you, that really struck a chord with me when i first heard that. i finally found someone strong enough and man enough to be there.

anyway, i'm getting way off topic now.

dons - i don't actually think that anyone [i]could[/i] be a better mum to your kids than you can :) you've done a brilliant job.

Roxy Simmons said...

oh crap, i messed up the html tags LOL! :)

Donna said...

Thanks Roxy, I try my best, and though there are days when I could gladly give them away for a few hours, I know I am very blessed to have 3 bright and beautiful children.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I do my unravelling in private too! But I'm glad you haven't... this has been good!

But unlike you, I think almost everyone would make a better parent to my kids than me! hahahaha....

Anonymous said...

Ditto Trac - I am a really poo Mom..but the thing is...I love them and they know it so yeah - I mess up but we get by.

Dons - it was a great post...don't be sorry for it.

studio7 said...

Hey DOn!

It really touched me reading your story. YOu're so strong and i'm sure a wonderful mom . Life is tough isn't it? It was good to get things off your chest i'm sure. Hope lizzie is doing better this evening :)

Kitty said...

I've been away and am just catching up. I know comments on this are finished but I didn't want to just read it and not say anything. Not that I have anything to say that hasn't already been said.

It's a subject that I think about a lot - whether the fact that I lost my mother at 11 affected the relationship I have with my own daughter. I don't know if it did or not. I think I also failed to bond with my daughter early on, and have always felt closer to my son. That of course makes me feel guilty but it is two-way traffic and my daughter, ever since she was a tiny baby responded much better to Jay - she'd scream when she caught the slightest whiff of me and that is actually hard to take.

Anyway, I am in danger of going on. But thanks for making me think. It was an interesting post and interesting comments too.