Friday, October 20, 2006

Tired and emotional

It seems like a long time since I have posted anything other than swaps, crafts or thrifty finds. There is so much going on in my life that I have little or no time to blog about what is going on so I just skim over the surface with fluffy stuff, a little like dusting when a good, deep clean is needed! I am very tired today. Last night for some reason, known only to herself, little Lizzy decided that at 1am she had had enough of sleeping. She spent hours calling to me from her cot, crying, talking, shouting. I cooed back to her that everything was fine, tucked her in at least 100 times, cuddled her and in a last desperate attempt, took her into my bed but no, it was not happening. This is so out of character for her, she is normally a brilliant sleeper. After 1 1/2 hours of this I couldn't take it any more so I woke up Paul who was laying beside me (do men ever wake up? what does it take exactly?). Once he took charge the whole household was up! Alfie, delighted that it was morning already (at 3 am), switched on the TV. He protested loudly when we switched it off again, 'but it must be morning' he wailed 'Power Rangers is on'. I suspected a sore tummy as she was very windy and her crying came in waves so I gave her a homeopathic remedy. Paul stayed with her for another hour until she finally gave up and we all fell back to sleep. Too soon the alarm went off and I woke up feeling as though I had been thrown down a flight of stairs. I ached, I couldn't feel my hands and my head was pounding. I just don't do well with a lack of sleep so, today, I have bumbled around in a groggy state just thinking of how to best get through the day.




First thing this morning the Aga man came (actually 2 Aga men). Twice a year my 50 year old Aga needs a service, today was one of those days. Before they can service it it needs to be turned off so that it is cool enough for them to work on. Now this is the only cooker I have in the house so we have to plan this with military precision, making sure everyone has had enough eggs, bacon, sausages, tea etc to get them through the morning because once it is switched off there is no hot food again until it is switched on and has reached its optimum temperature (scientific stuff!). The Aga can only be cleaned thoroughly when it is cool so twice a year I get out the Astonish, wire brush and crome cleaner. So in my groggy state this morning I cleaned like a madwoman making those chrome heat covers shine.





Then a friend called to ask if she and her daughter could pop over as half term started today for us Devonians. I had to pop out for food for lunch as we were without anything decent to eat in the house and I had just got back when she arrived. I love my friend, she's a great girl, and has recently hooked up with a new man in her life, leaving her boyfriend of 18 years. They are very happy together. He is Italian and she showed me her photos of their recent visit to his family in Italy. They are a great match and I love seeing her so happy but she told me something that made me so sad. When her house is sold she will get a settlement and when her new boyfriend's divorce comes through he too will get a settlement so they will pool their resources and get a house together, all good. She said that their money will not go very far in this part of Devon so she is thinking of moving, possibly to Exeter or maybe ITALY!!!! If she moves to Italy she will leave her 7 year old daughter with her ex-boyfriend. She said that her daughter has always preferred her daddy and that she has an attitude problem with her, she is very argumentative and confrontational. I asked if that might be a reaction to her and her ex splitting up but she said no, she realises now that this has been the case for a long time. I am not a judgemental person and I try hard to see the reasoning behind why people do the things they do but I can’t get to grips with how she could leave her child here. I told her that a daughter needs her mummy and that arguing is quite normal, isn’t it? I just can't imagine how any mother could leave her little girl and start a new life with a new man in a new country. I’m crying as I write this, I feel so sad about it, am I being silly? I just couldn’t leave my children for anyone, not even, even, even, Johnny Depp. Maybe I’m just overtired.


Anyway I hope to get more sleep tonight. Paul is out, Jazz is out, my babies are asleep and I have a bottle of sparkling chardonnay for company.

When I get dressed in the mornings Lizzy is always interested in my routine watching me intently. She takes pairs of knickers out of my underwear drawer and drapes them one by one like a pashmina over her head. She then walks to the mirror for a look, ‘ahhhhhh pitty’ (pretty) she says before strutting around the house, often walking up to Dean, our decorator to show him how gorgeous she looks! Here she is, the knicker thief!




p.s. I wanted to leave you with a track from the Guillemots but Youtube isn't playing. I shall try again later.




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9 comments:

Vintage Swaps said...

Hey you, hopefully you're in bed now woman... that knicker thief is adorable really she is....
So, I agree with you, I have 4 daughters we argue it's NORMAL I would never leave them, whoever takes me on if and it isn't if it's just oh fuck what I mean is I would always take them with me if anything happened..... don't cry we'll be together soon....

kelly said...

I do so understand what you are saying. mostly my blog is the same, never writing about the in depth things... You do indeed sound tired out today and its no wonder. Im in a state without enough sleep and Im always reading at night when its quiet so consequently, I never get quite enough sleep! I agree with you totally about your friend, I could never leave my kids no matter what. I cant even imagine it. Im upset if the little one is gone for even a night at a friends (rarely)!! Of course kids argue with their parents or get mouthy. You are most likely feeling just darned sensitive at the moment. Mums can be like that, particularly when the kids are involved. Hope you feel brighter soon.

Roxy Simmons said...

i see a pair of knickers i bought you for xmas round lizzy's neck! hahahah.

i don't think you are being silly at all feeling sad about your friend's little girl - it shows your compassion. but i was wondering... maybe there are other reasons underlying her current thinking that even she doesn't know about? [rhetorical]

i hope that it all works out for the best.

tlawwife said...

It is interesting that you wrote this today. I had to notarize someone signing papers to give his rights to his child up today. After he left our office I had to comment on how hard that would be although he didn't sound too disturbed.

Kristy said...

I hate those fussy head,lack of sleep mornings.
When my parents divorced my sister(7) and I(11) stayed with our Dad.It really was the best place for us and even though she left we knew it wasn't us she was leaving us.A few years later my sister went to live with mum and step-dad and when my dad died when I was 15 I went to live with them too.My mum and I have always had a great relationship.I suppose what I'm trying to say is that sometimes dads can offer their child more stability than a mother who is trying to start a new life.I always felt so wanted by my father and so proud that he chose to look after me.
Maybe your friend knows that her daughters father can offer her more at this stage in her life?Nothing is forever and feelings do change.
Hope this makes sense?
On a lighter note Lizzy and the knickers remind me of Lily who used to do the same thing with her dads socks (clean of course!)

PG said...

Donna, if I were there I would give you big hug and pour you a huge glass of wine. Consider it done, if only virtually...

Roxy Simmons said...

everytime i look at this picture, it makes me want to tickle those little feet!!

gena said...

Oh I do not understand your friend at all,My seven year old daughter feels like she is attached to my side! and my older daughter is going to uni next year and I am distraught already! But love can make you crazy, I fancy your friend will realise that she cannot leave her child behind,Poor Donna, you have such a big heart!

Anonymous said...

I couldnt have given up any of my kids either, just not in my nature but if you ever want to swap the knicker theif for some fabric give me a shout, she looks such a poppet I could eat her! Mind you I am suprised that you didnt having just read your discription of the family night (early morning!)in!